Not enjoying it so much

The adjustment to first grade isn’t going as smoothly as I’d hoped.  And he hasn’t even gone a full day yet – this week was all short days!

Kevin’s been taking him to school in the morning.  I’m thinking that is a good arrangement because I had to take him this morning and it broke my heart.  I parked the car and made a light-hearted comment about it being the last day of school this week.  Ricky came back with, “The last day of first grade.”

I laughed it off and said there were many more days of first grade to which his forlorn face replied, “No.  This is the last day of first grade.”

He finally climbed out of the van and walked all of 10 steps before he turned around and came back.  Ricky chastised me for not dropping him off where Kevin does, but since it is where I pick him up after school, I didn’t feel too bad and sent him on his way again.

This time he made it through the gate and SLOWLY halfway across the playground before he turned around and flagged me not to leave.  He came back and tried to tell me that it wasn’t time for classes.  Again I sent him on his way with an “I love you.”

He made it to the doors where kids were congregating.  I watched him stand off to the side.  Alone.  He looked so small with all those bigger kids.  His backpack kept falling off his shoulders under the weight of his lunch, I knew, but I felt like it was the weight of the world on his shoulders.  He looked so lost.

Ricky turned and saw that I was still there and he ran back to the van.  He told me that he didn’t think this was the right place or the right time.  If I’d opened the door, I know he would have crawled back inside.

Just then the whistle blew and all the happy schoolers ran for the doors and their classrooms.  Mine walked slowly, with his head down, and his backpack slipping off his shoulders.  I waited.   I needed to see him make it inside.  Eventually he did.

First it was the disappointment of not being able to get even one thing from the cafeteria food, then yesterday, he tore the top of the baggie with his cookie in it and couldn’t get the cookie out.   When I asked him why he didn’t ask the lunch lady to help him, he told me, “There’s only one lady in the whole world who can open that bag and that lady is you.”  And now this.   He LOVED kindergarten.  His first day there he ran in ahead of me.  He never looked back.  Today was hard.  I know he’ll learn to love first grade too, but it looks like it is just going to take some time.  Darn it.